It took me 23 years to figure this one out.
I endlessly battled with who I was, managed my extreme self-hatred and never feeling like I was enough by ruthlessly controlling what I ate and then, when that didn’t go to plan, I found other brutal ways to punish myself over and over.
It wasn’t until I moved to the other side of the world by myself 15 years ago in an attempt to run away from my problems that I finally realised, the only problem was me and how I felt about myself. The only person at war with me...was me.
Since then, I’ve had to learn to accept what I am and what I’m not. I’ve learnt to deal with the situations and dysfunctional thought patterns which lead me to that place of despair and most importantly of all, I have learnt that I was the only one who could change my life and the way I felt.
It wasn’t other people, where I was living, my job or my relationships that was the issue. It was me, and it took me to move to the other side of the world by myself to prove that. All my problems came with me because they were inside me, inside my head. The only relationship I needed to fix was with myself.
With all the diets out there, lists of what you should and shouldn’t be eating, certain ways we are supposed to look, act, parent, work, be...it’s impossible sometimes not to feel like you are failing at something! But there is no perfect way...it’s finding your way that matters.
Find a way of eating that makes you FEEL healthy and happy. Do activities that you enjoy and that make you smile, as well as sweat. Spend more time doing things that make you....well... feel like you!
Try not to compare yourself to others and most importantly of all, find a way to deal with what’s inside your head that is holding you back. You are not your thoughts, your thoughts are just a story you are telling yourself based on your past and they can fuel an endless war with yourself.
If anyone or anything makes you feel like you’re not doing enough or not trying hard enough please distance yourself from them, unfollow, unfriend or do whatever you need to do to not have that in your face 24/7. We don’t need negativity in our lives if we can avoid it. Surround yourself by people and things that help you feel good and be kind to yourself.
If you’re at war with yourself, you’re not alone, but please know, you don’t have to be.
You are enough just as you are x